For Christmas, I am only going to speak to my nephew in Spanish

Title unrelated.

Candid:
I started dating a girl about two years ago. Started.
The process of dating is rough when you care about everyone and their feelings,
especially and most importantly yourself.
Started.

It was on and off, up and down, and other terrible things relationships shouldn't be,
but always in my control.
I've said that line at least a hundred times and it has only recently become digestible, understandable.

I am selfish and I am an asshole. I've been working on that for years, and I will continue working on it.

I kept coming back, I keep coming back. I've always come back to the situation and asked for chances, opportunities and she's always given them, the sap.

We started dating again, in June, and after a couple months of not being sure where we are, I have committed myself to the situation in ways that I never have before. Facebook. My status has changed. It was purposeful; it is purposeful. I am trying to right my wrongs, and whatever...

I face the same doubts, probably once a week about whether I should be in a relationship or not, the same doubts that have stymied my every move for the past couple years, the doubts that established my ignorant swinging bachelor life at the end of high school.
We do not act in a vacuum.

I'm sure some of my friends call me Doubting Thomas when I'm not around. I'm sure they've said it and I wasn't listening.

This morning, I thought about the relationship and wondered if I could handle it, should I handle it? What's the point? It can't be that good. Fewer and further between are these doubts, but omnipresent, somewhere, id, superego, loudly I exclaim that I have these doubts,
always have,

but,

I do not act in a vacuum.
and I may or may not be in love with this girl.

Mostly the latter.

Oh and it's a girl, by the way. I figured out I wasn't gay.