and I told her that I was a blogger. I almost spat in frustration. How are those things different? Why would I ever call myself a blogger? What is a blogger? What is a blog but a public diary? "Are you a writer?" "I'm a diarist." Get out. I almost spat.
I planned to graduate next year and I planned to apply for grad school for the year after. I planned to go abroad this summer and then write a thesis. I planned to be 20, but here I am. I must have forgotten to ask myself in February if I was ready for March. I'm not panicking, exactly, but I do not feel prepared for this fast track that I set myself on. I did do this to myself. I absolutely said, "Okay, team, I'm going to sprint through life for as long as I can." And I'm in the last lap of the first mile and I can't believe I've been running this fast. I've barely managed to stay in my own lane.
To curb the metaphor-building and head stress, last night I went for a run. I know it doesn't make sense for late-March weather, but I was running in snow last night. I did not sign up for tundra college. I did not move to Canada, or Siberia or Hoth. Regardless, I was pleased to pass pedestrians sporting winter coats. I was wearing shorts and maybe a shirt. Barely a shirt. I wish somebody asked so I could tell them I was from Oregon.
I did mutter a couple times as I was passing, "It's cold, right?"
I thought that was funny.
Oh, and I got that job that I had been striving to get for a year and a half. I'll be an RA next academic year.
Does anyone want to live with me?
2 comments:
college is full of transitions. does it scare us and make us anxious? absolutely. but try to keep things in perspective. and try to pray. you don't want to go through everything feeling miserable and stressed out. that's not real living!
and running--definitely a healthy way to let off some steam. i approve. ;]
If you went running in late-March in England, people would assume you to be one of two things: A Kenyan, or a shoplifter. Your inflated moral sensibility tells me you're probably not the latter, but the jury is very much out on the former.
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