Everything needs a clever title

I'm struggling here, God.
I was praying earlier. That's new for me. I felt like I had to. I directed toward one omniscient, invisible being rather than mumbling and grumbling and laughing to myself like I usually do.

I really want to be fully monk. I want to be suprahuman. I want to transcend and care only with empathy, but WOW do I get mad.
I get SO mad. I get disgusted, I get hateful, I get bitter. I want to work past this.

There are always people that inspire this. They will hunt you out, if you aren't aware of them. They become apparent. Life is an off-white background with a lot of shady characters making indents.
There is this one small guy with a growing adolescent moustache and long, unkempt hair. He makes me mad. He scrounges like a rat and wears a backpack and a jacket when it isn't cold. I want to disagree with him. I want to hate him.
I was at an open-mic and he read some stuff and it was a funny, sick book and I saw where from where he came and I understood him, a little. I was settled with that. My blood didn't boil. I just was.

There's this girl in my dorm. She's funny and pretty and enjoyable, but she doesn't like me when she's sober. I was walking late and I ran into her (and twelve others that had fought sobriety and won). I said something like "You've got shit on your teeth,"
When I meant, "Your teeth look blue in this light."
Now she won't like me when she's drunk, either.
I can only laugh sometimes. That's the only answer.

There's also a guy that lives VERY close to me that reminds me of my friends from years ago, from when I was angry with ignorance, condescension and immaturity. He embodies that. I call him a child sometimes and I stoop low, and that solves nothing. He isn't recycling. I told him it bothered me and it was irresponsible. "Okay Joel," he said. "Bye bye now, Joel."

Christ, I know you have a plan and all, but right now, I'm struggling.