*No, this is all too much

I am having some cognitive dissonance right now. I can't be the bad person that I'm made out to be. I'm inherently good, but my mouth is so large, and so gaping, that no doubt some dreary, judgmental things will fall out, unbeknownst to me.

(At this point in the writing process, I tried to drink my tea that I had spilled on the ground minutes before, but it was too hot to drink, far too hot. It spilled out of my mouth and onto my designer jeans. At least I bought these on an outrageous sale.)

People still have lapses of sense-making. I've encountered some big egos bulging past some skulls. Last night was a blowout. Also, I can't speak for the life of me to people who are from different cultures. I'm too open. I'm too honest. I'm too forward.

I'm too much*, I've found.

I feel so old.

The city is gorgeous, though. I will go to the High Line and read for awhile, I think.

Or outside.

I'll go outside.

My pants are still wet from the tea, but there is some shine.

I enjoy work, at least. Hell, when I take a step back, I enjoy all of it.

I'll be able to write better standup after this.